Kraken Kronicles

Friends of ours had their first baby in September, and the memories of having just one made me say Ahhh... And the memories of what effects four have caused me to write this to them.

"We LOVE the pictures. You guys must be so happy! Best time of your life - oogling over Maeve and the only worry is when do we have another one.

It's after you have the second that life gets interesting because the first is standing on the kitchen table, drinking out of the toilet, wiping snot on his/her favorite stuffed-animal/blanket, getting into the refrigerator (which can cause a whole series of events -- pouring soy sauce on the cream carpet, squirting yellow mustard on the new quilt, dumping leftovers on the floor because emptying containers is fun, sitting in the now empty refrig eating an entire lb of grapes), throwing already folded laundry up in the air to watch it fly, etc, etc, etc,..."

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It's still such a shock that they don't come out with common sense and manners. That's all John and I do lately. We are constantly saying.....

Tie your shoes - you're going to trip and they look terrible - "what? they are tied"

Tuck in your shirt - you look messy - "what? it is"

Brush your hair - it looks like a birds nest - "what? I did"

Brush your teeth - they're yellow - "but I already did"

Wipe yourself after you go to the bathroom - " big smile meaning - too late my underware is already up"

Don't put mommy and daddy's toothbrush in your mouth - germs - note to self - buy new toothbrushes at Walmart

Please use your inside voice - Please lower your voice - Please talk softer - "OOOOKKKAAAYYY"

Did you do this - Did you do that - "ummm" - well did you or didn't you - "well sort of" - what does sort of mean - "well not all of it" - why didn't you say that in the first place - "because I thought you'd get mad" - don't I sound mad now that we've been trying to figure it out for 15 minutes!

Please do your chores - "WHINE - WHINE - WHINE"

Please sit on your butt at the table while you're eating - you might fall - and it's rude - "but... splat whaaaaaa" - [silent - told you]

Please don't interupt - is there anywhere parents can get two words in (between 6am-10pm) without an interuption?

Please don't grab - "but it's mine"

Please don't hit - "but it's mine"

Please don't push - "but it's mine"

Please pick up - "but" - they're your toys - "but" - ok they're going in the trash - "NOOO!!!-OK-OK"

and this in only for 0-8yr olds; stay tuned for the 9-12yr old crap (I mean stories)

Happy Parenting!